Life
by TacitPaucity
Summary: No longer invested in days spent wasting away over memories and hopes of a knight in shining black armor...Sakura has taken life by the horns. What she doesn't expect is for reality to rear its not-so-shiny black head and smack..*Scratch That*...Chidori her right in the face. Welcome to Life. The Tales of Their Past, His Future, and Her Present.
1. The Man

I remember the first time I met you. I walked into a small, dimly lit, hole in the wall pub that catered to mainly ninja, and on a Saturday night it was filled to capacity. There was a cloud of smoke that made my eyes water and the smell of too many perfumes lingering made me sneeze as I made my way through the throng of ninja, most I recognized from treating at the hospital. I felt a slight breeze blow in from behind, shivering from the feel of my favorite, casual maroon skirt being picked up and flowing around my legs gently, I ventured deeper into the pub.

My eyes were dancing from head to head, not looking for anyone in particular, when I found you. Silver, spiked hair sat atop a hanging head, which connected to a lean physique that was slouching; You looked worn and beaten, my guess was that you'd just finished a mission. I had not seen you for a while, only passing you in the streets or the seldom moments where one of us was exiting the office of Lady Tsunade while the other entered; We would not stop to make conversation, I would always smile to you and offer "Hello Kakashi-sensei". Your nose was always buried in your book but upon hearing my greeting, sometimes you would look up and offer an eye crease, the crevices flowing from the corner of your eyes becoming more pronounced in your age since my days as one of your students, I took notice; Other times you would not even look up from your novel, I used to refer to said book as trash, but simply raise your hand and give me two fingers, I was never offended.

The night when I found you slouching, elbows resting on the edge of the bar, I decided to approach you and introduce myself. I slipped onto the stool that was directly beside you silently, ordered some alcoholic drink that would probably choke me and then slowly turned my head towards you. Your head was down, staring into a little cup filled with sake, not once did you blink as I continued to stare and even when I offered my greeting, you still did not move. I introduced myself, my ninja rank and what I was drinking, this seemed to catch your attention for your head turned until you were looking at me. Time seemed to drag on, what was seconds felt like minutes as you took your sweet time in creating an eye crease, signaling a smile underneath your mask, and asking me "What exactly are you doing?"

"Introducing myself" I explained, and I continued to explain after you so eloquently responded with "Ah", I explained that we did not know each other outside of work and that I had not seen you in ages, I explained that I wished to change this fact about us. You regarded me with what little interest you had as we sat, side by side on our little brown stools that were worn with time and faded from use, drinking our alcohol; You ordered a different drink for me after realizing that I was a novice. You behaved as your usual self, teasing me somewhat; Asking "How old are you again? 14?" My reply was to deliver a delicious smack to the back of your head and answer "Hmphh no, I am 18" I took pride in stating my age, it made me feel like an adult in your presence, like I was finally on par with you; Your amazing abilities.

Thirty minutes of conversation and nursing our drinks turned into an hour and thirty minutes of making real conversation and nursing our drinks. After almost three hours of conversation consisting of life, missions, and why you always escape from the hospital early, I was clearly inebriated and tried to steady myself as I stood on legs that wobbled like jello. Your steady, strong arm laced around my upper torso and without waiting for my answer, you announced I would be escorted home, by you. To this day I cannot figure out if it was entirely the alcohol that made my cheeks flush to what I am sure was cherry red and heat to a silly degree, I cannot figure out if it was the alcohol or the way you had your arm braced against me, never once acting inappropriately towards me; You were the epitome of a gentleman that night.

You did not laugh when I would stumble or make a joke and laugh at it, you just kept your pace and staggered on. I did not know how you knew where my apartment was, considering you had not been there as far as my knowledge went. I thanked you repeatedly for walking me home, insisting I did not need it, even though it was very gracious of you; Your simple reply was "I can't let my former student walk home alone, now can I?" Of course accompanied by your eye crease.

My door came into sight and your arm did not leave my side until we were standing on the mat that read "Welcome" that was positioned perfectly on the front step. Once again I thanked you and you simply nodded, my thoughts were hazy as I watched you turn around and begin your descent. I cannot recall how I made it from standing upon my mat to grabbing a hold of your jonin shirt, but I did; You turned your head, a questioning gaze met my eyes. I asked to meet you again, I did not want to lose contact with you again, I said. From what I could tell, you smiled, and nodded. Turning back around, you continued down the steps as my hand let the fabric of your shirt slip between my fingers.

As I stood, frozen from alcohol or confusion I do not know, watching you reach the bottom of the steps, I heard your voice call out to me in the night. Your voice was smooth and like velvet when I heard you speak, my mind cleared as I listened intently to your words, something akin to hope swelling inside my gut. "We will see one another again" were the exact words you spoke before disappearing into the beautiful night, I looked up, stars smiling brightly upon the world in the midnight sky, each little light sharing its warmth. I smiled that night as well, for that night was the night we really met. Haruno Sakura met Hatake Kakashi; The man.


	2. Hospital

It was two months before I would see you again. You came into the hospital after a mission, severely wounded and when spoken to, you would only give one word; Sakura. I walked in the room, ready to tear you to shreds for being stubborn and refusing treatment, but there I stood, mouth agape. A young nurse, older than my age of 18 at the time, was sitting on the floor, her back to the wall and eyes wide, glued to you; Her frail body trembled and she shook with trepidation when I ordered her to stand up at once. Once my eyes drifted over to your form, the form that was supposed to be laying immobile on the bed, I understood the look of utter shock and disgust marring her young, porcelain skin.

One of your arms, the one where the I.V. was placed, was hanging limply off the side of the bed. From your unmoving fingertips, blood trickled down to the once pristine white floor, settling in a crimson puddle that was certainly not miniscule. My emerald orbs traced the trail of blood to the source, I knew already from where it originated but the medic in me forced my eyes to move, there in your arm, was a ruptured vein. A red, angry splotch of skin surrounded the little hole in your arm, a mighty bruise was forming from where you ripped the I.V. out and caused your vein to burst, blood coming out of your arm in a way that reminded me of a faucet that had yet to be turned off all the way.

My eyes trailed over the rest of your form, it was hard due to the fact that you were still wearing your jonin attire; I guess you really did refuse treatment. My once forgotten temper flared to life when my eyes finally settled upon your face; Well what was supposed to be your face, but it was blocked by that damned book. Bright orange greeted me and I snapped, yelling at you and insulting your intelligence; I shrieked about how you were so stubborn and questioned your request, well demand, that only I treat you. I continued on until you spoke, calm and collected, you replied that you trusted me. My mouth hit the floor and I stayed that way until you cleared your throat, then I went back to acting as if I was still upset about how stubborn you were. Inside, I was honored and happy beyond belief that you, the great Kakashi, had selected me to handle your body when you were hurt.

I berated you about how reckless you were; I scolded you for ripping out the I.V. because that was your good arm and how I shouldn't heal it, but I did; I growled, you quirked a silver brow at me when I did this, when you asked if I would fluff your pillow; I laughed when I walked in the room only to find you giggling like an idiotic pervert while reading your favorite novel; I cringed when you gripped my arm so tight your knuckles turned white when I tried to finish healing the gash above your eye; I felt like a failure when I could not fix the rest of the gash, leaving a little chip in the bone of your brow.

You could tell, I know, that I felt insecure about not being able to heal the rest of the wound, even though you looked no different; I could tell and that's the point. Your hand reached out to lock my wrist between your fingers when I turned to walk away from your bed. Your long, thin fingers were ice cold and what started as a shiver caused a chain reaction of little bumps to arise across my skin, all over my body. I did not move, in fear of you being angry with me, but I was forced to when you tightened those icy fingers and placed me in a wrist lock, making the bones of my wrist touch oh so painfully. Anger and fear tripled inside me as my eyes locked on your lone, charcoal orb.

Suddenly your eye creased, I was confused, signaling your smile; I questioned why were you smiling if you were mad at me. You let go of my wrist and replied "Well how else was I going to get you to look at me" at this I snorted and thought to myself that of course you would use that method instead of simply telling me to turn around. Your second answer blew me out of the water, for it was the first time I would hear something like this from you; Directed towards me. "You are my savior, the savior of my second eye...the bone is nothing" Your statement came out light at first, hinting towards a joke, but it grew more serious towards the end. I understood what you were telling me; You were telling me that I should not worry over something as trivial as a chip in a bone that you can't even see under the tissue; I understood that you were also thanking me for healing the gash that entered part of your charcoal eye.

That day I found new things; I found that you have quite the collection of romance novels, as you would call them; I found that your charcoal eye was beautiful; I found that your eye color was not just charcoal, black outlined your iris, fading into a dark gray which lightened until it reached almost a silver color surrounding your pupil; I found myself drawn to you, drawn to just staring into your eye; I involuntarily found myself a steady patient, from that day on you would let no one else treat you.

Months rolled by as seasons changed, one thing always staying the same, as if carved into stone. Your visits to the hospital seemed to become more frequent, you always requested me, until one day you no longer needed to do so, the nurses had come to the realization that only my hands were to glow green around you. Your mood was always light and your tone lazy, sometimes you would make jokes about your injuries, in return I would smack you and complain that you were wreckless or got injured on purpose just to see me. One day your response was unusual and out of character, albeit you're quite aloof so anything next to normal is out of character; You questioned what if you had been injured just to come see me, I replied with a raised, angry tone and flushed cheeks that you were incredibly stupid if you did, in fact, get injured on purpose.

I remember you slipping down from the exam table and walking away with a raised hand, two fingers in the air. As you were opening the door you called out, telling me that you wished to see if I had grown rusty since beginning my hospital shifts and to meet you at our old training grounds for a spar; I smiled as the door close without an audible click.


	3. Spar

I remember the light blue of the sky as I set foot through the gates that marked the training grounds; I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of calm as the wind blew through my hair and made the leaves dance as if dancing to their favorite tunes; I remember the growing excitement building in the pit of my belly as I approached our old meeting spot; My hands laced behind my back as I ran through possible scenarios, ones where I actually land a hit on you; I remember my excitement, feeling it slowly grow to a roar while I sat propped against one of the trees you favored to read Icha Icha under, I also remember my excitement dulling to a simmer before it nearly vanished...Of course, In my haste, I forgot you would be late.

You, with your leisurely gait and gravity defying hair, arrived promptly an hour late; I could feel your chakra yards away, no doubt at the memorial stone, still mourning those you lost, but I did not dare interrupt the moment of tranquility we, as ninja, so seldom receive. I hauled myself to my feet and made my way over to your lone figure, standing there, waiting for me to yell at you.

The feeling wasn't sudden, it was miniscule, but as I reached your statuesque form, it skyrocketed. A clenching; The weight of memories that were once moments I'd lived, and cherished, and dreamt would never end; The weight of those memories sinking in the depths of my gut; The feeling of reliving my unrequited, prepubescent feelings being crushed; The feeling of longing for a mismatched, circus of a family to be reunited. It hurt me to see you standing in front of those three pillars; It hurt to see the memory of my old self, a misunderstood blonde, and a future killer replaying in front of my watering emerald orbs.

Looking at you, I knew. Your eye seemed to tell all, you were reliving my memories, our memories, the memories we created together, as a team; You were reliving them alongside me. You said I wasn't acting like myself and that you noticed the improvement immediately; I threw a kunai at you.

You caught my kunai and told me not to drown in the past; I told you that it's hard not to drown when I don't know how to swim. Within at least one second, you were standing mere feet in front of me, your eye in its signature, jovial crease; In a light tone you said "Well then, you just earned a life-preserver" I laughed, knowing that you were drowning just as much as I was, but you seemed to be treading water at the moment, so I took your word and said it was a deal.

Our spar commenced, nothing but the sounds of my grunts of frustration, clinging metal and your "Hey now! You almost hit me" could be heard. Your teasing was, unfortunately, unrelenting; You would dodge my punches, barely!, and then comment on how I slowed down, how dare you say I SLOWED down, since the last bell test. Needless to say, your provocation worked, it had me blindly reaching out for you, just one little scrap of you, and BAM! Down you would go.

I clipped your jaw after you commented on me growing up to look an awful lot like a character from your 'Romance' book. Various cuts and splotches of mud littered and soiled my once clean, youthful appearance; It was an understatement to say I looked tired. Rips with tiny specs of blood could be seen, though not many, upon your form, and dirt sullied your hair, making you look like you had a rather vigorous training session in the dirt with your pack of ninken; I came to this conclusion because in the future I would learn that you trained them especially hard when I would bring them treats (You dictator), and after one certain session, you would look like this.

Both of our bodies collapsed on the once lush green grass, now we lay upon broken earth; My handiwork, of course. Our panting soon turned into even breathing and the cicadas made their presence known with their song. The bright, torrid globe in the sky faded into flames that danced across enchanting purples, stunning pinks and of course, the ever-fading, tranquil blue sky. I looked over to see your breathing deep, eye closed and body still; The picture of you was...beautiful. They way the oranges and yellows of the setting sun played upon your defiled hair, made you suddenly seem...Captivating. I remember realizing why your features suddenly had me so mesmerized; You had me in awe because even covered in dirt, your features portrayed peace.

After that training session, you stopped coming to the hospital. Instead, we would train once a week; Once a week turned into twice a week, and eventually when we could spare the extra time. You taught me jutsu that Lady Tsunade just didn't have the time to teach me; It didn't come without a price though. For every jutsu you taught, I would complete one favor for you; It usually consisted of cooking dinner, paying for your dinner, which you did anyways, bathing Pakkun and, begrudgingly, doing your laundry; ONCE and never again because, really?! WHO HIDES THEIR PAPERWORK in their flak jacket; ONLY you, that's who.

Your reactions to my chakra enhanced strength always boosted my ego, especially when I put a dent in your wall; Which by the way, is still there. Your eyes caricatured saucers when I got both bells from you; You got them back when I gloated about how awesome and stupendous I was and demanded that you run around the village proclaiming that you got beat by me while stopping every thirty seconds to do Lee and Guy's 'Good Guy' Pose; Wink and tooth catching glimmer of light was manditory.

During our spars, you weren't one for much talking; I learned to hold it all in and wait until after. When we were relaxing in the hues of the fading sun, I would spring questions left and right; Some about your past; Some about why you were still single...Ninjas just can't afford to have families, you told me. I would ask and most you would avoid with clever quips or just plain old "Hey look at that one-eyed bunny" and of course, every time, I would look; When I would turn around, all that greeted me was a dissipating cloud of smoke. You sneaky man.

I remember the day we met for our spar and you asked if I would like to become a two-man team with you.


	4. Solo

You and I tried requesting to be a two person team but Lady Tsunade reminded us that permanent squads only consisted of four ninja; No less and more than four rarely ever happened. We tried explaining that no one else had the experience and worked as well as we did together; She didn't budge, even though our points were valid. The only individual that was even remotely close to getting her to agree was Naruto, and our blonde teammate was once again chasing after Sasuke. I'm not sure what help he would've been anyways, he probably would've requested a three-man team.

After yelling at you some more about not turning in your reports on time, I was promptly dismissed; You were asked to stay. I waited outside Lady Tsunade's office for you. When you made your way through her door, you had a scroll tucked neatly into your fist and your usual apathetic expression in place. I asked what she had to say and your witty reply was to tell me that it was a secret; I was not amused.

I held up my fist, now glowing green, and told you that I don't repeat myself. You laughed timidly and held up both hands in a show of surrender, Just a mission, cool it was your reply. I quickly asked what kind of mission and if I could be placed on your team. I'm afraid that's not possible, it's a solo mission. Those words changed something inside me, they made me worry; What if you were hurt? You were always getting hurt and coming back with one foot in the grave.

I couldn't understand my unease about your mission, but I did understand something else; I didn't want you to go. We'd been spending so much time together and after your proposal, I was excited about being on your team; I was excited about spending more time together. I was excited about getting to know more about you and work with you on missions again. Then I opened my eyes and reality rained on my parade, we couldn't work together because you were totally fine without me.

While you were away, I surmised that you would only be inclined to get hurt more because you would've had your own personal medic; One who didn't have other teammates to worry about healing. I quickly got over my bizarre little feeling and followed your now retreating form down the stairs. Now walking side by side with you, I cleared my throat to get your attention. How long is your mission, I questioned while peering at your covered face. Two weeks, you offered in your bored tone.

I might...I might actually miss you, I managed to slip out, my face must've been as bright as a tomato. Well I can't say the same for you, was your asshole-ish reply. SEE IF I EVER SAY ANYTHING NICE TO YOU AGAIN, I screamed, leaving you flat on your face and little birds dancing above your cranium. After I punched you and screamed, I stomped my way down the path and towards my home. Hearing you groan out, It was a joke, I smirked to myself with thoughts of how awesome I was for laying THE Copy ninja out flat on his face.

On my way home my thoughts were a whirlwind. By the time I reached home, my head was bursting. By the time I reached my door, I slammed it open. By the time I reached my bedroom, I sent a shoe flying through the window. I can't recall why I was so mad, or even how I got that way, I just knew that I was mad. To calm myself down, I convinced myself to reminisce about things that made me happy; Like freshly cut grass, sunsets, cotton candy, chocolate, learning new jutsu, and hot, hot showers.

Whenever I thought up a completely random subject, you would annoyingly interject yourself right in there. Freshly cut grass; You and I would always be the first ones to revel in the freshly cut training grounds, tearing them up would be our way of 'breaking them in'. Sunsets; My favorite sunsets to watch are the ones where the fading day's glow is cast upon your relaxing form after a hard day of training. Cotton Candy; I shoved some in your hair when you told me it matched mine. Chocolate; You left some taped to my door for my birthday, I knew it was you because it was a day late. Learning new jutsu; You taught me jutsu, just like it was old times again.

Once I was calm, I smiled. I really was going to miss you, I'd grown accustomed to your company. Not just your company, but how you would tease me during training; How I was the only one who got away with landing a hit on you outside a mission; How you were beginning to answer more of my questions...because I followed you home one time whining. I admitted to myself that I would somehow always consider you my sensei, but at that moment, I considered you a friend more than anything.

My mood was back to being mad again before I went to bed. My "Comical and ever-changing mood swings" as you would so eloquently put in the future; I'd of course smack you for it. I was mad because you would be leaving at some ungodly hour the next morning and I had just left things on bad terms between us. My thoughts before I went to bed were about making it up to you and somehow apologizing without knocking you out for some snarky remark you were bound to make.

I awoke the next morning feeling rather cranky. First thing I did was stand up and take a step; Well I TRIED, keyword here being tried. I fell over and kissed the floor, and when I made my way towards the bathroom, I slipped on water that I didn't remember spilling the night before. I was even more cranky when my wonderfully scorching shower turned ice-cold on me. I was beyond pissed when I saw a piece of paper lying on a table next to some screws and a vase that was knocked over; That explained the water on the floor. It was clear that someone was in my apartment while I was sleeping last night.

I had half a mind to stomp straight to the Hokage's office and demand that she send you back to Konoha, just so I could use your dogs to track down the IDIOT who dared to break into my house. My features softened from what I imagine to be a deep scowl to a soft smile. Reading the mystery note was incredibly hard, for you see, whomever wrote that note had ridiculous, and I mean RIDICULOUS, handwriting. I'll miss you too and so will my black eye, was scratched on the paper in black ink. I recognized the writing, even without the hint.

I was mad again as I headed out the door to work, because when I went to open my door...IT FELL OFF ITS HINGES. I wonder who would've done that, who would want to get back at me for giving them a black eye? I'm still trying to figure it out to this day.

My morning went by fairly commonplace and by lunch time I was begging for anything to happen. Unfortunately nothing amazingly spectacular took place and I was stuck taking care of the usual. Genin with broken arms came in fearing the worst and thinking it would have to be amputated. One man came in with a kunai lodged in a very...sesitive..place and a rather deplorable expression being worn on his face. Another patient had a baby just a few days earlier and was having trouble getting her newborn to latch on, so she whipped out her breasts and proceeded to demonstrate; I was rather glad that this wasn't one of those times where you randomly decided to 'poof' in for a visit.

Two weeks went by rather fast for me. I kept myself busy with the hospital of course, I pulled all kinds of crazy shifts and by the time your arrival date came around, I was practically nocturnal. I would train with Lee, well just once, we would run around the village and of course he lasted longer than me. A couple of days I even traded my shifts at the hospital for helping Lady Tsunade with her paperwork. Time started to slow down when day fourteen officially ended and 11:59 p.m turned into 12:00 a.m and it became day fifteen.

I sat up in bed looking at my clock, it read 12:00 a.m; It was now the beginning of day fifteen. Of course I didn't expect you to get home right on time, but still, I worried. I worried all throughout day fifteen; I worried at 7 a.m when my alarm clock signaled that I had gone an entire night without sleep; I worried when I looked to the clock that sat hanging on the wall of the hospital, it read 12:00 p.m, had it really been twelve hours since I gazed upon my own at home?; I worried when I was not stopped by you all day at the hospital; I worried when I wasn't stopped on my way home, I even made sure that my walk was as leisurely as possible; I worried when I settled in my bed and once again, the clock struck 12:00 a.m. I told myself that you were just late and that I should not worry.


	5. News

_Kakashi_ was the first thing to seep into my mind. Sluggishly I opened my eyes to let the irritating rays of the morning sun filter through my bloodshot orbs. I was officially in between what I used to be; I used to be a jubilant ball of sunshine in the morning, looking forward to a day of healing the sick and your companionship. Now I am in between being a morning person and an individual such as yourself, one who detests mornings because your thoughts have preyed upon your mind at night; No I have not stayed up all night because I am obsessed with a certain tangerine or teal novel.

Day twenty-one happened upon me as every other day would, unfortunately. I made my way mechanically through breakfast and a quick shower; There was no spirit inside me, the rice stuck to my mouth as I refused to drink... The note Lady Tsunade sent to me, in reply to my query of where you were, lay upon the counter; Open and untouched since my eyes read its contents.

A messenger bird happened upon the window next to my bed, right next to Mr. Ukki; I picked him up when I realized that going over to your house to water him almost every day was pointless. It was just after 8 a.m when the messenger landed, I was already up. I had been up since the first rays of sunshine climbed their way over the Hokage monument. After reading the letter, I went back to sleep, I couldn't bear going into the office of my master at that moment.

I needed to sleep; I needed to prepare myself for my Lady's response; I needed to go over my question of "Why is Kakashi-sensei so late?" and the answers that she may have had for me. To tell the truth, I was more than scared; I was almost to the point of being terrified. I was so frightened because she routinely answers a lot of my questions through that method due to the insufficient staff numbers at the hospital and the amount of time she needs to spend dedicated to her duties as Hokage; This time she did not answer my question, she called me into her office to answer me face-to-face.

I felt fear because I couldn't possibly believe something happened to you; I felt fear because I knew it was possible for you to be taken down; I felt fear because thoughts and images kept flashing through my mind; I was frightened because I could walk into that office and hear that you were gone; I was frightened because whatever answer she was to give me, there was nothing I could do...it was already decided, no matter how much I procrastinated; I was terrified because I was actually close to you, closer than I had ever been before; I was terrified because I realized that I cared so much more deeply than I thought I did, of course I never wanted you to come to harm, but this time was different.

I decided to walk to the main building instead of run, I was already late so why bother, right? Hands were cold and felt numb, my legs were slightly trembling as I continued down the path, storm clouds were rolling in all the while. I passed many faces on the way, all smiling in glee without a care in the world. Did those people know that Kakashi Hatake's fate was undecided? Did they know the turmoil that was brewing inside me but not totally ready to burst? I think not.

The doors of Lady Tsunade's office loomed in front of me, I cannot remember how it is that I came to stand before them. Oh I wish I could tell you that I was brave, I really do; I want to tell you that I leisurely sauntered into her office just as you have done on so many occasions; I long for the right to laugh with you about how she screamed at me for keeping the both of you waiting; I have a yearning to taste the kind of shock that would undoubtedly course through my system as my jade eyes landed on your unharmed, creased one.

Sadly this was not the case. My disinclination to lay my hand upon the door was obvious to the inhabitant of the office behind said door. There was a simple, quiet call of Enter and I righted myself. I stood before my Lady with my back ramrod straight and stomach in knots, I couldn't bring myself to look into her eyes that were like warm honey, so I stared at the floor. Sakura, she called to me; Look at me, she stated with a firm voice. Alas, I could not disobey my master, so my gaze was redirected towards her face and I wish I had gone with my gut and disobeyed.

I shall never forget look on her face; The way her jaw clenched in an attempt to stabilize herself; The way her fingers demolished the wood as they gripped so hard her knuckles were white; They way she looked at me with such dejection, wrapped in animosity and dipped in an even heavier coating of penitence. I'll never forget the clap of thunder or bolt of lightning that I saw in the distance through her window after looking away from the tear stricken face of Shizune. I will also never forget her words.

Kakashi's mission was a failure, she began with a voice I'd never been privy to before; My throat tightened. She took a sip of her sake before shattering her glass, her hand began to cry tears of blood onto the dark wood of her desk. Shizune immediately stepped forward, calling out to her, but halted in her tracks when Lady Tsunade raised her hand. I watched all the streaks of blood as they quickly raced down her arm, disappearing beneath her sleeve. Her stare was soft and yet so intense at the same time; I was almost relieved when another boisterous clap of thunder resounded throughout the village, effectively delaying her continuity. My throat tightened unbearably, waiting for the news and just like that...the dark, angry clouds opened up and the sky began to weep, signaling the end of Konoha's drought.

**A/N: Reviews are much appreciated!**


	6. No

Failure. Failure? That single word was skipping like a broken record worse than Naruto when I punched him across a spring that time we traveled to Yugakure, Land of Hot Water. It wouldn't stop replaying throughout my mind. Failure to Kakashi-sensei wasn't an option; Had I ever seen you fail?

The dread that was building in my belly since the moment I was summoned by my Lady was beginning to reach its culmination. Spreading slowly through my veins like a ravenous poison; A poison that had me frozen in place. My throat was clenched so tight that, I can honestly say, I am surprised I didn't pass out from lack of oxygen.

This poison, that was brewed somewhere between my gut and heart, hurt like no other.

I wish, once again, to share with you how I stood there with every fiber of my being composed. My eyes stayed in place, staring out into the light less sky, the stars with their bright, guiding light and sweet smiles, were absent this night; Clouded by fresh tears that had only begun to coat the land. I pretended to watch as lightning once again danced across the sky.

I know why not a word was spoken until some imaginary designated time limit was up; Well I thought I knew. At the moment, my cynical mind conjured up multiple excuses for why Tsunade hadn't continued; One of the first ones was for the melodramatic effect. I did not know that she was giving me time to absorb all of the meanings that accompanied the news of your comrade failing a mission and not being present while said news was being given. For how fast my mind was racing, it was absorbing about as much as an already wet towel.

I am a ninja dammit, I remember thinking to myself and inwardly scolding. My legs still had not stopped trembling since I began my trek to the Hokage's office. My hands still felt numb, but were now clenched, sickened from the feeling of sweat building upon them. I wondered what color the poison growing with fervor would be, if I had to choose, as I felt the dread start to begin its descent. I felt sluggish, but at the same time my senses were on fire.

My heart was hammering in my chest. For sure, the time had come; Either I have a heart attack from the anticipation or the news, this I did not know.

I ripped my eyes away from the window, half expecting it to shatter from how hard my eyes had seemingly been glued to the glass. I couldn't bear to let my eyes rove over Shizune's face; Torn with pain and streaked with wet trails of her feelings.

Locking eyes with my master, honey embraced jade. Finally it started to seep into my being; My brain started to work, gears turning at top speed. My realization came too late to prepare my trembling legs, clenched fists, and booming heart. Honey seemed to reach out to me, trying to wrap me in a cocoon of safety; Trying to shield me from the blow that was inevitably about to come from her.

Hatake Kakashi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, she rasped out, while trying to desperately not show her emotional involvement in the situation, as empathetic hands continued to crush her desk. Has been eliminated...no body has been found, she finished with eyes desperate to show me how much she didn't wish to share this information with me.

No words. I was strangling on my heart that jumped into my throat. I had the distinct taste of acid, which I identified as shock, upon my tongue; Not the type of shock that I longed to experience upon seeing you standing there, alive. My legs no longer trembled because I'd fallen to the ground, on my knees. The dread finished its descent and plummeted to hell, bringing me with it; Except I stopped when I reached the carpeted floor.

I could no longer hear due to the heart that was malfunctioning in my throat. Thoughts slowed, unlike the poison now racing in my veins, coating every inch of my insides in dread; A dread that weighed more than anything that I could ever describe to you. This poison, if it had a color...would be silver.

My eyes were broken; I could not feel tears leaking out of me akin to how they fell from the sky, and I could not see anything besides silver hair. My throat was broken; I could not scream, because my heart was stuck in my throat. My ears were broken; I couldn't hear Shizune and Tsunade as they called to me...all I could hear was my heart. My body was broken and numb; I could not feel the warm, gentle hands as they picked me up off of the floor.

I slowly came back into myself, only enough to stare past my master. My stare passed their worried faces, and moving mouths; Asking if I could hear them and pleading with me to respond. I stared out into the raging storm, another boom of thunder reached my ears and in an instant I was bolting from the office; The thunder was calling for me.

As soon as I made it outside, a million and one needles pierced my skin. Rain pelted me as I took off, the freezing chill that sank all the way to the bone did not bother me as I ran. I wished for the needles to pierce straight through my pain; Straight through my heart, to stop the pain.

How could I lose you? How many times had I been in battle with you and had never witnessed you fall? My sensei couldn't be dead. My...friend couldn't be dead.

Eliminated. Eliminated? Eliminated? Eliminated! Eliminated. Eliminated. The word resounded through my head over and over, never once stopping; Even when I did not understand what word I was repeating in my mind anymore. No thoughts at all and every thought I'd ever had about you surrounded my mind in a blizzard, my feet knew where they were going but I did not.

I continued to run as I could feel the poison building up; Soon, I knew, it would beg to be let out. My frozen legs carried me all the way to the training grounds. I gazed upon the now muddied land; Broken tree branches lay strewn on the ground like limbs I'd seen that had been severed and lost during battle. My adrenaline pumped legs continued their journey into the training grounds; Only stopping once I reached my destination.

There it was, sitting there, always unmoving; Like a lighthouse on a cold, fogged winter's night shining its eternal light to guide wayward vessels home. There it sat, it possessed the color of a black diamond or possibly even the deepest onyx with it's edges being as sharp as the sharpest kunai knives. There it sat, beckoning wayward ninja and civilian alike to its presence, a beacon of remembrance. The memorial stone.

I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I lost someone close to me, never before had I been impacted like this. I lost someone that penetrated through the wall of just being an acquaintance. I lost someone that penetrated through the wall of just being my teacher. I lost someone who broke down the wall, with a blazing chidori, of just being a friend. I lost someone who I let get close to me; Someone I got close to in return. I lost you. I lost you and realized I cared about you more than I'd known before.

Numb fingers cut through the rain and made their way to the back of my head. My roseate locks felt heavy and sagged in my hands as they snaked and weaved throughout the rat's nest. Finding the maroon colored knot with my slim and nimble digits, I tugged. Ninja were not supposed to do was I was about to, so tonight...I was not a ninja.

I sank to my knees, mud making a sloshing noise that seemed severely insignificant compared to the pouring needles and the calling of the thunder. I allowed myself to do what I could not in the presence of my master. A fog crept over my vision, my eyesight muddled as the poison continued to build. The fog dissipated as I felt hot fire make its way down my ghostly pale cheeks; The telltale sign that distinguished teardrop from raindrop.

Though the poison that was my dread and sadness was seeping out through my eyes, it was not enough. I looked upon the Hidden Leaf emblem and remembered a time when you were such an enigma to me that you frightened me instead of bringing a warming sense of comfort. My eyes burned with anguish and sorrow as I remembered the note you left, your horrible chicken scratch and most importantly...that you said you would miss me.

I was aware of my sullied clothing, but I did not care. I remember the feeling of the cold rain upon my face that was trying so desperately to come up with some sort of flush to accompany my scorching tears. Lightning struck in the distance, barely illuminating the part of the forest where my desolate form resided. I released a pathetic whimper as I punched the ground, no chakra reinforced my fist; I wanted to feel the pain.

I looked up and out into the darkness, my eyes clouded over with unshed tears. Another bolt of lightning flashed much closer this time, an eery glow surrounded the area I was in for a split second, followed by a loud cry of raging thunder. I saw mangled trees, that were obviously struck by wind or some other force, when the light was cast upon the clearing. I saw severed limbs of trees laying motionless in the mud as the light reached where I was mourning. I saw a form when the light encompassed my little section of sorrow.

There, leaning right in front of me, was a form. Braced upon the memorial stone was the battered body of what appeared to be a man, obviously a shinobi. My eyes roved the form which was still covered in blood, an incredible feat considering the amount of rain, this man looked near death. As my eyes lingered on the bloody, gaping hole that was supposed to be the man's torso, I noticed something. I noticed a shock of silver and that was all it took to shoot my eyes up to the, barely, masked face of a man whose silver hair was drenched by the rain, almost unrecognizable due to the staining of blood and sagged over his covered left eye.

Is this real? I could barely spit the words out because, once again, my heart implanted itself to the seemingly raw walls of my throat. Not waiting for an answer, not because I didn't want to, but because I simply would die if I didn't, I flung myself towards the man with half a foot in his grave. A cry of anguish was your only response when you gave me a pained, Yes...i'm also in a lot of real pain, was only croaked due to the amount of force with which I was squeezing your abdomen.

I paid no mind to the fact that this was the first time I had ever been so intimate with you. The only thing I paid attention to was the fact that you were here and not lost. I cried out to you, my soul hoping to reach yours. I cried and told you I didn't know if you were coming back. I screamed in sorrow that I lost you, Kakashi, not with sensei, just Kakashi, and that the Hokage told me you were dead. My hoarse throat cried out about what a stupid man you were to make me think you were dead.

Raising a bloodied hand, you brought it up until it rested at the back of my head; Where it stayed as you finally returned my embrace. Bringing your other hand to one of my fists that moved to clench your demolished jonin shirt, you bestowed upon me, a gift. Staring with wide, still leaking eyes, I tasted shock in my mouth once again as I realized what your gift was. Your romance novel stared back at me, without as much enthusiasm of course, as I told you that I would never give it back and I would probably burn it. Your eyes creased when you replied that you knew, I buried my head in your bleeding chest and cried once more.

It was an unspoken oath, you would always come back to me to retrieve your prized possession. The tears finally stopped when you suggested that we stop by the hospital before I helped you to your apartment; I laughed because you must really have been banged up if you were suggesting the hospital.


End file.
